I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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