reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
