So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
