I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
