Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
