I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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