Having a random hookup so left but love u
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
