theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
