he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
