wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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