wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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