ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
