Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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