I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You ruined the universe
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
