I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
you never un-have a 4some
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
