She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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