I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
