i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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