we have pet lesbian snakes
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
