just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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