How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
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she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
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So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize