She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
