i already hear my dad disowning me
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
