my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
