Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Hippo gnu deer
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
