there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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