those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
