fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
