it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
