Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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