420 ftw
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
