I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
