I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
