I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
