I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
