We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
