Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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