does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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