Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
