I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I think my moral compass just broke
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
