I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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