My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
