I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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