he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
