i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Randomize
