She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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