Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
