"it" just moved
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
that's an acceptable place to lick
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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