the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
they're like a gay fantastic four
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
