Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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