Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.