im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.