I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.