and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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