My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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