why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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