shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
