the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
