this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
