nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
