so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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