it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
