Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
