What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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