My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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