He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
