I hate your face
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize