i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
