You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
