pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
