Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
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The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
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Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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