I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
