he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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