I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
